I’ve been away from the blog for too long. My new job has me busy from the beginning of the day until the end of the day, and I come home mentally and emotionally exhausted. It’s hard work, but it’s good hard. I am writing text for proposals, sometimes to explain and sometimes to persuade and sometimes to connect to another person’s soul. I am designing — often in the context of a specific form, but it is page layout and design nonetheless.
When I’ve been at home we’ve been dealing with all manner of silliness: replacing the refrigerator, nearly replacing the air conditioning unit (turned out it didn’t need it), and the washing machine needs a repair (the parts are in; I just have to schedule a time for them to come in). I’ve also been knitting, sewing, and struggling with all manner of emotional upset.
But, today I’m back. And I figured the best way to start again is to tell you all what I’ve learned over the past few months.
- There are people in my life who have my back. People like my husband, who has been giving me all of the space I need to deal with all of my feelings and weird moods. People like RH at the office who finds things that I missed on a proposal, but doesn’t jump on me about it. People like my younger brother who can advise me on things like wiring and computer problems. People like my girlfriends and guy-friends who make time to see a film or talk over beer and pizza. These are good people. These are people I can trust.
- Even if someone has my back, I am still responsible for my own health. Yeah, that one bites sometimes, but it’s reality. I have to take care of me. I have to allow myself to grieve; I have to get rest when I need it; I have to let myself off the hook when I make a mistake; I have to admit I’m human and be OK with it; I have to eat properly; I have to ask for help.
- I’m still trying to figure out how much is too much and how much is enough. I tend to give myself over to whatever I’m working on, whether it’s a proposal at work or something I’m sewing or a book I’m reading. That’s exhausting. I am still learning how to draw a boundary around my energy, to rein it in so that I don’t exhaust myself.
- There is a lot of stuff about myself that I still need to accept. I get tired (a great hindrance to getting things done). I’d rather not eat properly. I’d rather stay home and play with my toys all day. I wish machines didn’t break. I’ve screwed up relationships.
- Oddly enough, there is a lot of good stuff about myself that I need to accept, too. I’m a good designer. I’m a good writer. I have good ideas. I’m a talented person who can sew and knit and do graphic design. I’m kind to my friends, and I’ve learned a lot over the past few years about how to love my husband in a better way.
In the spirit of respecting my boundaries, I’m not going to ramble on here. I’m not going to expect that every post to the blog is going to be wildly inspiring or even basically interesting. I just need to write at least once a week to keep myself tethered.
Thanks for listening.
Here’s a cute picture because, you know, puppies.